A Beginner’s Guide to Couples Toys

How to Start the Conversation (Without Awkwardness)

Intimacy Is a Conversation - Not a Performance

Every couple goes through phases - moments of deep connection, laughter, and curiosity… and other times where routine quietly takes over. But here’s something beautiful: intimacy doesn’t fade because the spark is gone; it often just needs a new way to be expressed.

One of the most rewarding ways to explore that spark together? Couples toys.

Whether you’ve been together for three months or ten years, introducing toys can add playfulness, closeness, and even emotional intimacy. But let’s be honest - bringing up the topic can feel awkward at first.

If you’ve ever thought, “I want to bring this up, but I don’t want them to think something’s wrong,” - this guide is for you.

We’ll walk you through, step by step, how to start the conversation confidently, read the mood, and explore together in a way that strengthens connection - not tension.

Step 1: Change How You Think About “The Talk”

Before you even say a word, start by shifting your mindset.

Talking about intimacy shouldn’t feel like you’re about to confess something scandalous. It’s not a “problem talk” - it’s a pleasure conversation.

Think of it like planning a romantic getaway: you’re not saying “what we have isn’t enough,” you’re saying, “I’d love to explore something new with you.”

Here’s how to reframe your thoughts before opening up:

• Curiosity over criticism. Focus on exploration, not on what’s missing.

• Playfulness over pressure. Approach the idea with lightness - like suggesting a new restaurant.

• Connection over perfection. The goal isn’t “mind-blowing sex immediately,” it’s to learn together.

By adjusting your own energy first, you’ll set the tone for a conversation that feels inviting, not intimidating.

Step 2: Choose the Right Time (and Setting)

Timing matters, especially for sensitive topics like sex.

Don’t bring it up mid-argument, in bed right after a quickie, or when your partner’s distracted. Instead, look for a neutral, relaxed setting.

Here are a few good moments:

• During a cozy night in, maybe over wine or dessert.

• When you’re already laughing or reminiscing about something fun you tried together.

• While watching a movie or show that touches on intimacy, it gives you a natural segue.

You can start small:

“That scene reminded me, have you ever thought about trying something new together? Like a couples toy or massage oil?”

You’re not dropping a bombshell; you’re opening a door.

Step 3: Use “I” Statements (Not “You Should”)

When you start the conversation, focus on your own curiosity and desires, rather than what your partner “should” do.

This keeps the tone open and prevents defensiveness. For example:

• ✅ “I’ve been reading about ways couples can explore together, it sounds fun!”

• ❌ “You never want to try anything new.”

“I” statements show that this is about connection, not comparison.

If you’re nervous, you can even share that:

“I’ve been wanting to bring this up for a while, but didn’t know how, I just thought it could be something fun for us.”

Authenticity almost always disarms tension.

Step 4: Normalize It With Facts (and a Smile)

A lot of people still see sex toys as taboo but they’ve become a normal, even essential, part of modern intimacy.

In South Africa, more and more couples are exploring toys designed specifically for shared pleasure.

They’re not about “replacing” your partner - they’re about enhancing what’s already there.

You could say something like:

“I read that couples who use toys together often feel more connected - it’s less about the toy, more about the shared experience.”

If they seem hesitant, keep it light. A simple smile, a reassuring touch, or even humor (“I promise it doesn’t bite!”) can help ease nerves.

Step 5: Explore Together - Start Simple

If your partner seems curious or open, it’s time to explore - gently.

You don’t need to jump straight into high-tech toys or elaborate play. In fact, beginners usually connect best with approachable, easy-to-use products that encourage touch and laughter.

Here are a few great entry points:

 Massage & Foreplay Enhancers

Start with a shared ritual - a body massage using a silky, warming oil or feather tickler. It’s sensual without pressure and builds connection.

Try: Dear Desire’s Couples Massage Oil - The sensual vanilla-scent will set the scene for foreplay and seduction, skin-safe oil that feels indulgent and intimate.

 Vibrating Rings

A perfect first couples toy. They’re worn around the base of the penis and deliver vibrations both partners can feel during penetration.

Try: We-Vibe Verge - can be used solo or with a partner, rechargeable, and waterproof.

App-Controlled Toys

For couples in long-distance relationships or looking to add a playful tech twist, app-controlled toys let one partner control the other’s pleasure - even from another room (or another city).

Try: Lovense or We-Vibe Connect range - trusted brands designed for couples’ communication and consent.

Remote Control Bullets or Panty Vibrators

For the adventurous duo - discreet, flirty, and full of laughter. Think of it as your private inside joke during date night.

Step 6: Set Boundaries and Check In

Exploring new things together can bring up a mix of excitement and vulnerability. That’s normal and actually part of the magic.

Before diving in, talk about boundaries.
Ask questions like:

• “What feels exciting to you?”

• “Is there anything you’re unsure about?”

• “Would you rather start with something less intense?”

Checking in ensures you both feel respected and safe and that makes the experience more enjoyable.

Remember: good communication is sexy.

Step 7: Keep the Mood Playful, Not Perfect

The first time you use a couples toy might feel a little clumsy. Maybe someone presses the wrong button, or the rhythm doesn’t sync perfectly - that’s okay!

Pleasure isn’t a performance; it’s an experiment.

Laugh together. Adjust. Try again. The best experiences often come when you drop the expectation of “doing it right.”

Here’s a mindset to hold onto:

“We’re exploring together, not performing for each other.”

Each moment of exploration, even the awkward ones, is a chance to connect more deeply.

Step 8: Keep Talking (Before, During, and After)

After you’ve tried something new, have a casual debrief.

Ask your partner:

• “What did you enjoy the most?”

• “Was there something you’d want to change next time?”

• “Would you like to try something different next?”

Make it part of your ongoing connection. The more you talk, the easier it becomes to keep things fresh, fun, and emotionally intimate.

These small check-ins turn sex from something that happens to something you both create together.

Step 9: Don’t Forget Emotional Intimacy

It’s easy to focus only on the physical side, but the emotional connection you build while exploring is equally powerful.

When you communicate about pleasure, you also strengthen:

• Trust - because you’re vulnerable with each other.

• Empathy - because you’re listening and responding.

• Confidence - because you’re creating pleasure as a team.

That’s the secret benefit of couples toys: they help you rediscover your partner not just as a lover, but as a collaborator in joy.

Step 10: Celebrate the Journey

Exploration isn’t a one-time event - it’s an ongoing journey.

You might start with one toy and end up discovering sensations you never expected. You might realize that what turns you on most is simply how your partner listens and responds.

Whatever unfolds, celebrate it.

You’re not just introducing a product - you’re building a shared language of pleasure and trust.

Conversation Starters (That Actually Work)

If you need a little help finding the right words, here are a few non-awkward ways to start:

• “I read this article about couples toys and thought it sounded fun, would you ever want to try something like that together?”

• “You make me feel so comfortable, I’d love to explore something new with you.”

• “What’s one fantasy or experience you’ve always been curious about?”

• “Would you be open to trying something we can both enjoy, like a massage candle or a vibrating ring?”

Keep it natural. Smile. And remember: curiosity is one of the most powerful forms of intimacy.

Common Fears - And How to Ease Them

Even the most open-minded partners can have some hesitation. Here are a few common worries and gentle ways to respond:

“Are you not satisfied with me?”

 Reassure them:

“This isn’t about replacing you - it’s about adding new ways to connect and have fun together.”

“I don’t know if I’ll like it.”

 Suggest starting small:

“Let’s try something gentle - like a massage oil or ring. If we don’t like it, no pressure.”

“That’s not really my thing.”

 Respect their boundary, but stay open:

“Totally okay. If you ever change your mind, I’d love to explore it with you.”

No one should ever feel pressured - but sometimes a bit of time and gentle curiosity changes everything.

Final Thoughts: Pleasure Is a Shared Language

Introducing toys into your relationship isn’t about “fixing” anything - it’s about expanding the ways you can express love, curiosity, and joy together.

When you talk openly, respect each other’s comfort levels, and approach intimacy as an adventure, you create space for deeper connection - in and out of the bedroom.

Whether it’s laughter, experimentation, or rediscovering each other’s bodies, remember: pleasure is a shared language, and every couple deserves to speak it.

Ready to Start Your Journey?

Our Couples Collection includes approachable, easy-to-use products to make the journey fun - from massage oils to beginner-friendly vibrating rings and app-controlled toys.

Reconnect. Reignite. Rediscover each other.
💞 Shop now → [Dear Desire Couples Collection]