7 Topics you should discuss with your sexual partner/s

Sex with a new partner can be daunting. But to build trust and comfortability, it is necessary to discuss these uncomfortable topics with your partner/s.  Whether you’re in a new budding fling or you’re in a long-term committed relationship, communication is vital in maintaining a healthy, happy sex life.

Fantasies/fetishes

Most people have secret fantasies that they choose not to share with their partners, to try avoiding discomfort and embarrassment but this is not always healthy. Try approaching your partner in a relaxed setting, perhaps over dinner, or while you’re winding down in the evening. Always be considerate of their feelings and the possibility of them saying no. If no, is the answer, be respectful of their choice but try come to a compromise. Suggest a middle ground that you will both be happy with.

Sexual history

Many people may despise the idea of sharing their sexual past with their new partner/s at the thought of being embarrassed or ashamed. Most therapists will tell you that it is actually healthy to discuss these topics with your partner/s to strengthen trust and communication and to also ensure safety in terms of avoiding contracting possible STD’s or STI’s or infecting your new partner/s.

Triggers

Sexual triggers can be routed from past traumas or could be small things that turn you off, for example sex talk can be a turn on for many but can also be a turn off for others. Discussing your sexual triggers with your partner/s will help build trust and comfortability as well as a sense of safety.  Discuss your triggers at your own time and when you are ready.

Sexual health

Discussing your sexual health with a new partner can be awkward and uncomfortable but is extremely important in building a relationship and showing respect for one another. Many STD’s and STI’s can have long term effects if untreated and if you with hold this information from your partner/s you could be putting them at risk and damaging a potential long-term relationship.

Turn on, turn offs

In a relationship, there will always be things that turn you on and things that turn you off. It is about determining what you can live with or tolerate and what will drive you crazy. Once you’ve determined this, you can decide if you think it is something worth talking about or whether it’s not that much of an issue. Discussing these major turn-offs and turn-ons will strengthen your bond and bring you closer together.

Frequency, sex drive

It is always healthy to be on the same page in your relationship with your partner. And discussing your sex drive and frequency can lead to a healthier sex life and a happier relationship. Chances are your sex drive may be different to that of your partner’s, and that’s totally fine, but a good idea would be discussing your sex drive and how frequently you would like to be having sexual intercourse. Maybe your partner is sex crazy and can’t keep it in his/her pants and you’re more laid back when it comes to getting down and dirty. Scheduling sex can be a healthy way for you to set boundaries and to be clear with your feelings and how often you are interested in sex. Be considerate of your partners feelings and of their sex drive and preferred frequencies too and try come to a middle ground compromise where you’re both happy with the outcome and both parties’ needs are met.

Masturbation

Masturbation can be a sensitive subject in many relationships and if you are not clear with your self-gratification routines and needs from the get-go, you could create issues with your partner and break the trust in your relationship. Masturbation is completely normal for men and woman irrespective of whether they are in a relationship or not and is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of. Always be open and honest in expressing your sexual needs with your partners and always try to be on the same page.  

The bottom line is that being open and honest is always the key to a healthy relationship, whether there’s strings attached or not.