How to rekindle the spark in your relationship
Countless amounts of couples complain about ‘losing the spark’ or losing the excitement in their relationship. Most people attribute it to the mere fact that they have grown apart or slowly changed individually with time. when the honeymoon phase is over, and the spark starts to fade many people worry that their relationship will soon meet its end. But nothing is lost, and nothing is wrong. Once the flame dies, the love can continue to grow on.
Sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman says that sex should be prioritized in a relationship to feel connected with your partner as well as being open and upfront about your individual desires. So maybe you have been in a relationship for many years, and you feel disconnected intimately, or perhaps you work a full-time job, or your kids and parenthood is getting in the way of finding that bonding time with your significant other. So, lets analyze and uncover the possible causes / reasons for that spark fading and how to rekindle the bond that was once there.
- Prioritize your partner and make time for each other.
In modern dating, couples often struggle making time for each other and living in the present moment seldomly happens. Things are constantly moving and changing, and people forget to stop for a second and appreciate the people around them. They spend time in front of the tv or next to each other in the same room mesmerized by their phones instead of actual real one on one quality time. Whether that be debriefing on their day at work or discussing future plans together. You could even pull out that old board game you have shoved at the back of the cupboard and spend some quality time laughing and enjoying the old days when you used to do things like that.
- Try something new together
A lot of the time couples lose that excitement in their relationships over the fact that they do not do exciting things together anymore. They fall into the habit of societal routine and find it extremely difficult to break out of. A good way to break out of this routine is by going out and trying new things together. Try out a fun new activity together or go to that market you have always wanted to go to, maybe simply even just go for a long drive along the coastline. But getting out and spending that quality time together will remind you of how fun and exciting things used to be and how they could still be that way.
- Spend time apart and find your individuality
Couples that have been together for a long time become dependent on each other and lose that sense of independence that they once had. By spending time apart, you will create that mystery that you found so intriguing in the beginning stages of your relationship. By maintaining a sense of separateness between the two of you, you will also be breaking out of that habitual routine that we previously spoke about, you will crave their presence more and instead of just having them around you will want and choose to spend more time around each other.
- Discovering each other’s love languages
Everyone expresses and accepts love in different ways and coming to terms with your partners love language could make a huge difference in your relationship. The 5 love languages are as follows: gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. By becoming familiar with your partners love language you will be able to fulfil their needs and understand what makes them feel most loved by you. So, for example if their love language is gift giving, maybe every now and then surprise them with a bouquet of flowers. Or words of affirmation, give them daily reminders of what they mean to you. By learning more about their love languages you will learn how they need to be loved.
A key factor in any relationship is always communication. Consider stressing your concerns and feelings with your partner, and work on things together instead of fighting these thoughts on your own. And chances are your partner probably feels the same way you do. Instead of focusing solely on the negatives talk about the times and the things that are good in your relationship and the things that your partner does that excites you and makes you feel happy and loved. Talk about the things that you might want to introduce to your relationship, maybe its going away for a weekend every now and then or trying new things intimately in the bedroom but share ideas and try to find a common ground where you both feel comfortable. Most importantly be open minded to the fact that they may not be comfortable with some of the new things that you may want to try, and they may have some new ideas of their own.
- Spice things up
Couples that have been together for a long period of time often find it difficult keeping things exciting in the bedroom. There are many ways you can spice things up intimately. Try setting the mood, maybe plan a romantic evening in with some wine and a bubble bath, treat your partner to an at home massage under the candlelight. Get dressed up and fulfil some of your partners fantasies with a sexy lingerie set and even consider introducing a sex toy that the both of you can enjoy. Most importantly communicate and become familiar with each other’s boundaries.
Although the honeymoon phase will never last forever and that spark may fade, by making time for each other you will bring back that chemistry and that fire that you and your partner once had in the beginning of your relationship, and it will grow bigger than before. Rebuilding that spark and that desire will not be easy but it will definitely all be worth it in the end.